Sinking
by JustMakeLeftTurns
Summary: Full title: 'Sinking in the mud until you're six feet under'. What if Rachel was lying in 'Showmance' when she said she didn't have a gag reflex? Full sum. inside.
1. Chapter 1

**FULL SUMMARY: What if Rachel was lying in 'Showmance' when she said she didn't have a gag reflex? In reality, she is a bulimic who refuses to accept that there's something wrong. No one notices for months. After the events in 'Home', Kurt and Mercedes realize that there is more to Rachel Berry than she lets on. But Rachel is so far gone that she doesn't accept anyone's help, which may be her greatest downfall.**

**A/N: Okay, people! Again, a story that literally popped into my head! I was watching 'Home', and I remembered that Rachel briefly tried throwing up in 'Showmance'. I thought 'What would happen if she was lying?' which led to 'Kurt and Mercedes went through a kind of crash-diet … What if they noticed something?' And, here it is!**

**This chapter is a spoiler for 'Showmance'. All of the dialogue is from the episode. The rest of the story happens after 'Home' and is AU afterwards.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Glee, would I really be writing this? Well, maybe, but that's not the point. I don't own Glee, so just enjoy the story.**

SINKING

_**Prologue**_

Rachel ran into the bathroom, her stomach aching. She felt sick. Tears threatened to fall from her red eyes. As she entered the stall, she brought her quivering hand away from her mouth, dropping to her knees.

_You're fat_, said a voice inside of her. The voice that had become Rachel's best friend. Like a good friend does, the voice told Rachel the truth, giving advice when needed. It laughed at her when she fell, but it was these remarks that helped her rise to the top again.

_You're sick; you eat too much_, the voice told her now. Rachel's empty stomach churned in agreement. _No wonder no one likes you. But don't worry; this helps you look better. And high school and life beyond that – Broadway – are all about looks._

Feeling nauseous, Rachel gagged and hacked into the toilet, her hands grasping the seat. Nothing came up but her own saliva. She was dispelling her nerves, not trying to vomit. But as the voice went on and her stomach fat weighed her down, Rachel felt that she needed to throw up.

Before she could do so, the door to the store creaked open. "Rachel? Did you just throw up?" The brunette froze, halting in her nervous habit. The only thing that ran through her mind was: Shit. Shit. SHIT!

Feeling embarrassed at being caught, Rachel refused to look behind her. However, she recognized the voice. It was Ms. Pillsbury, the guidance counselor. Shit.

"No," Rachel replied, her voice shaking. _Good job, fatso! You got caught! When will you learn to check the stalls first?_

She gazed into the toilet, trying to think of an excuse. She could say she wasn't feeling well. Or that she had food poisoning. _You're a terrible liar. She'll see right through you._

_Then what do I do? _Rachel asked.

_Tell the truth, but leave out some parts. No one has to know. Even though it's obvious how much you need to lose weight, piggy._

"You missed the toilet," Ms. Pillsbury said quietly. For the first time, Rachel noticed the vomit on the floor beside the toilet. Had she done that without noticing? _Say something! Before you make the situation worse._

"The girl who was throwing up before me left that." _Good! No one has to know just how fat you are, that you're doing this. _But Rachel still wasn't sure where that vomit came from.

_Lie about throwing up! _the voice demanded. _You're not off the hook yet! Put a little truth in there; make it believable._

"I tried, but I guess I just don't have a gag reflex," Rachel added. _No gag reflex? That's the best a whale like you can come up with?_

"One day, when you're older, that'll turn out to be a gift." Rachel was momentarily relieved. The counselor had bought it. That soon changed as the redhead went on, "Let's have a little chat, okay?"

Ms. Pillsbury led Rachel to her office. The entire way, Rachel was panicking on the inside. _What do I do? She's going to make me stop, and I'll be fat again._

_You're already fat,_ the voice jeered. _Play it by ear. Pretend you're new at this. Play innocent. Don't let her make you any fatter than you already are._

Rachel, heart pounding, took a seat across from Ms. Pillsbury. She kept her expressions calm, but she still had the look of guilt on her face.

Ms. Pillsbury handed Rachel a pamphlet. The brunette took it, pretending to read the back. _Look like you care. Look like you know something's wrong. Play this right, and you'll get away._

"Rachel, bulimia is a very messy, serious disease."

_Yes, it is, _the voice agreed. _It's a real way to get rid of fat. But it's not a disease. What you're doing isn't wrong. You're losing weight; that's all that matters._

Rachel placed the pamphlet on the desk. "I don't have bulimia." _Say a half-truth! Make it believable! _"I tried, failed, and won't ever attempt it again."

_That's right, because you know how it works. You won't 'attempt' it. You'll 'do' it._

"Okay." Ms. Pillsbury didn't seem to believe her. Rachel remembered what she'd thought the first couple of times she'd thrown up.

"It grossed me out," she added. _Excellent! You need to appear weak to outsmart her, although you'll have to do better than that, fatty._

"Okay. But I still want to talk about the feelings that you had that led up to you wanting to puke your guts out."

_This is your chance! Change the subject, fatso, before she realizes what you're doing._

"I wanna be thinner. Prettier like that Quinn girl." _Too much, piggy. You're hopeless. Might as well gain back all that fat now._

_No!_ Rachel panicked. _I can do better!_

"Mmhmm. And why is that?" _You've got another chance. Don't mess it up._

"Have you ever loved anyone so much that you just wanna lock yourself in your room, turn on sad music, and cry?"

_Laying it on a little thick, huh, fatso? You're so pathetic. Now you'll have to follow Finn around like the waddling dog you are, just to make this believable._

As much as the voice was right, Rachel was thankful that the subject had changed to boys. She went through the rest of the meeting easily, putting on a show that the voice made fun of her for. Luckily, Ms. Pillsbury did most of the talking.

When Rachel was dismissed from the room, she automatically felt a lot better. She had gotten away.

_Not if you get caught again, you whale. You've got to step up your game if you want to lose all of that blubber._

The first thing Rachel did was go to the bathroom. She made sure she was alone this time before sticking her fingers down her throat.

**And there's the prologue! I'm sorry if I didn't get the thoughts of a bulimic right; I have never had an eating disorder.**

**Review and let me know if I did okay!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey! Chapter two! It's shorter than the first one, but whatever. It's more of a filler chapter. And for the purposes of this story, everything is AU after 'Home'. However, Jesse still transfers back, but he doesn't egg her.**

**Disclaimer: "I want it all!" ... "Oh, no no no. Stick to the stuff you know." … I guess that means I don't own anything. Damn. (HSM was in my head briefly. Ew. First is from HSM 3 I think. The second is from the first movie. Don't own those either)**

SINKING

_**Chapter 1**_

She saw the way they acted that week. She and the voice agreed that they were too obvious, much like she had been last year. After all, it isn't that hard to guess what was going through their minds when Kurt limited himself to celery sticks for lunch while Mercedes skipped it altogether.

_That method never works,_ the voice said. _You crack eventually. It's plain as day what you're doing._

Rachel remembered the time she had attempted to skip meals. She'd had a difficult time. Her stomach would growl, constantly reminding her of the lack of food. When she'd turned to throwing up after eating she'd found that it was a lot easier to do. She'd fill up on whatever, then barf it back up. She could still eat tasty treats as long as she had easy access to a restroom.

On her way to the bathroom near the end of the week she saw Quinn talking to Mercedes. Rachel couldn't hear what they were saying but she knew what was happening. Quinn had seen through Mercedes. Part of Rachel wanted to scream. Why didn't anyone notice _her _problems? The voice was quick to put her back on track.

_You're fat and ugly. If anyone notices they don't care. They want you to get thinner. Mercedes actually has curves. She's supposed to look that way. You just eat too much. You don't have any curves._

Rachel continued to the bathroom.

TIMESKIPTIMESKIP

On Friday, there was a pep rally. Rachel sat on the floor beside Jesse _(Don't want to risk the bleachers to collapse because of you, fatso)_. She wondered how a boy like him could ever love someone with so much extra weight.

Rachel was surprised when Mercedes starting asking everyone questions. Did she feel fat? No, she _knew_ she was fat. Did she feel ugly? No, she _knew _she was ugly. She didn't raise her hand.

She enjoyed the song that Mercedes was singing. But Rachel knew that it was all lies. She wasn't beautiful. She was a whale.

_The beautiful thing is that you're doing something about being fat_, the voice told her. _But you'll never be beautiful like those other girls. You have a lot of fat to lose until you even get close._

Jesse led her onto the gym floor. Rachel smiled, pretending that she was foolish enough to believe any of the words that Mercedes sang. At the end of the song, Rachel saw Kurt say something to Mercedes. They hugged. Rachel felt more alone than ever.

Neither of them knew what it was like to be ugly and fat and unwanted. They had tried to "diet" not because they believed it, but because someone else had told them to. Rachel knew that she was fat, so she did something about it. But she did it for herself.

Jesse turned to leave, grabbing hold of Rachel's hand. Rachel followed, bringing her gaze away from Mercedes and Kurt. Jesse looked at her with concern.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked. Rachel brought a hand up to her face, mortified when she realized that she was crying.

"Yes, that song was just sung with so much emotion," Rachel replied. She grinned and continued with her Rachel Berry ranting. She went on to say how Mercedes had a beautiful voice. The two made their way out of the gym.

Rachel didn't notice when Mercedes watched her. She didn't notice when she told Kurt something quietly. She didn't notice when both of them began observing her eating habits over the next couple of weeks.

But she _did _notice when Mercedes started using the bathroom after lunch – whenever _she _was in there. And when Kurt tried to make conversation with her while trying to get her to eat something. (She did eat, but as soon as she could, she'd head to one of the bathrooms, preferably one in the back of the school, the farthest away from the cafeteria.)

Oh, and Kurt hugging her when Jesse transferred back to Carmel High. Because, you know, it's pretty difficult to miss someone hugging you. Rachel was so upset over Jesse transferring _(It's all you're fault. He didn't realize how fat you were. He doesn't want a whale as his girlfriend)_ that she didn't realize that Kurt had gone pale – was that even possible? – after the hug.

Although, if she _had _noticed, she would have figured that it was because her weight had surprised Kurt. She was fat, but he hadn't realized just how much until that hug _(Like Jesse. He left because he's ashamed of you.)_.

However, Rachel _hadn't_ noticed.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry for the short chapter! I hope this story isn't going too fast.**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own it.**

SINKING

_**Chapter 2**_

Rachel sat on her own at lunch. She nibbled on a carrot stick, absentmindedly thinking of the calories that she was eating. She had once considered going without food _and _throwing up, but had realized that it wasn't a smart move. Still, she still wondered if she should double up, just to lose calories faster.

The brunette was startled out of her thoughts when Kurt and Mercedes sat down on either side of her. Rachel eyed their full trays jealously. Why couldn't she eat like that and stay healthy?

_You're fat_, the voice reminded her. _You were unhealthy before. You just need to lose those extra calories and then you can stop._

"Hey, Rachel," Mercedes greeted, grinning nervously. Rachel smiled brightly in return, seemingly oblivious to the other girl's worry.

"Hello Mercedes, Kurt. Is there something I can help you with? Oh, do you want me to help you with your singing? I can –" Kurt cut her off, a small, almost sad smile on his face. Rachel heard warning bells go off in her head.

"No," he said. "'Cedes and I were thinking of going to Breadstix after school. We wanted to know if you'd like to join us."

Rachel was surprised. No one had ever asked her to hang out with them before. But at Breadstix? She doubted she'd be able to get away to the bathroom. Kurt and Mercedes probably wouldn't let her. Not to mention the strangers in the other stalls.

"I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to decline," Rachel vocalized her thoughts. Mercedes frowned. Kurt reached his hand out, placing it over Rachel's on the table.

"Rachel, you know that you can talk to us if you ever needed to, right?" he asked, concern in his eyes. The girl in question felt her heart skip a beat. They know something, she panicked.

_Guess you're not so sneaky after all, piggy. Although it's obvious when an elephant leaves the room, isn't it?_

"Of course!" she said cheerfully, ignoring the others' stares. "Why would you even have to ask that?" Kurt squeezed her hand. Mercedes sighed and put a hand on Rachel's shoulder.

"Rach, we know that something's wrong with you," she murmured. _Yeah. It's called being a whale._

"We're worried about you," Kurt added. His eyes gazed into hers. Briefly, Rachel thought about telling them everything. She thought about crying and yelling. But as soon as the thought presented itself, it left.

_Don't let them make you stop! You'll have to start from square one. But then again, you're already a pig; what's a little more fat, huh? Oink, oink._

Rachel pushed back her tears. She looked first at Kurt, then at Mercedes.

"Look, I have no idea what you guys are talking about." Kurt's eyes watered. Mercedes looked regretful. "I'm going to be late, so if you'll excuse me." She stood abruptly, pulling away from the two coldly.

She stormed off in typical diva fashion, so she didn't see Kurt place his head in his hands, or Mercedes reach over to rub his arm. But that was probably for the best, for if she'd seen, she would have stopped and hesitated, and perhaps have told them. And then she'd be an even larger whale again.

And she didn't want that, did she?

(With Kurt and Mercedes)

Kurt couldn't watch as Rachel left the table. He let his head fall into his hands in defeat, choking back sobs. He heard Mercedes sit in Rachel's vacated chair. The countertenor leaned into her touch as a source of comfort.

"We can try again in glee," Mercedes told him. Kurt scoffed, looking over at his best friend.

"We both know she won't accept," he snapped. At Mercedes' affronted look, his features softened. "I'm sorry. But what Rachel's doing to herself –"

"– is like what we tried last week," Mercedes finished.

"She doesn't realize how dangerous it is." Kurt's voice cracked. After Mercedes had knocked some sense into him, he'd done some research on the topic. The pictures he'd seen and the amount of deaths both astounded and horrified him. He could have easily become one of them.

Kurt didn't like Rachel. Not only did she have a horrid wardrobe, but she was a self-centered, spoiled girl who didn't want to share the spotlight. However, Kurt would never wish anything bad upon her beyond getting strep throat.

So once he'd become aware of her eating habits, and certain habits afterward, he felt guilty and a little worried. Okay, a _lot _worried. He felt guilty because he was sure his condescending attitude had contributed to Rachel's bulimia. Kurt flinched. Just thinking about it made him sick to his stomach.

Mercedes, he knew, felt the same way. She was just as worried for Rachel's health – both physical and mental – as he was. She was better at holding herself together than Kurt, which resulted in Kurt relying on her for comfort.

Neither Kurt nor Mercedes knew what they should do. Kurt wanted to tell Mr. Schue or Rachel's dads, but was worried that they wouldn't take care of the situation properly, or take it seriously. The adults had witnessed endless bullying and slushy facials and hadn't done anything to stop it. Would they even _try_ to help Rachel?

It was Mercedes who had suggested talking to Rachel. Kurt hadn't expected it to work – he hadn't wanted to listen to Mercedes himself – but he had still hoped.

The two divas were going to do their best to save Rachel from herself. But how do you save someone who doesn't want to be saved?


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't own it.**

SINKING

_**Chapter 3**_

There were shouting matches in the chorus room after school, same as usual. Rachel Berry was trying to convince Mr. Schue to give her the solo in their next number, not Quinn. Mercedes and Kurt watched her, worry creasing their faces. They found themselves wondering just how long the girl had been acting, or if she'd ever been different before they'd properly met her.

"Rachel, the solo is going to Quinn, and that's final!" Mr. Schue nearly shouted. The room quieted down, wanting to see Rachel's reaction. However, all she did was sit in her chair, staring solemnly down at her feet.

_Of course he'd pick Quinn. She's skinny and prettier than you'll ever be. Who wants a piggy like you to be the lead?_

"Ooh, Rachel's been silenced," Santana mocked. "She's finally gotten the hint." The aforementioned girl shrank into her seat, trying to ignore the laughter of her fellow glee clubbers.

_You deserve this. You need to be taught a lesson. You're just too fat to like; you should be thin _now.

Rachel sat quietly the rest of the class. The voice was right. She was throwing up, but wasn't losing fat fast enough. Even though she hadn't succeeded doubling up last time, she decided to try it again, starting after glee. She hadn't really _wanted _this last time. Now, she _wanted _to be thinner. She _needed_ to be skinny. She'd grow used to it eventually.

As soon as Mr. Schue dismissed them, Rachel hurried out, trying to avoid Kurt and Mercedes. She heard them calling out to her, but she didn't stop. They were going to make her fat. In her mind, they were the enemy.

Turning into the nearest bathroom, Rachel took the time to lock the door before standing in front of the mirror. She took her shirt off and placed it on the sink. She scowled in disgust at her reflection.

_You say you're making progress, but are you really? If you want improvement, you need to step up your game._

Rachel pulled her shirt back on. She jumped when she heard banging on the door. She held her breath, hoping whoever it was would go away.

"Rach, we know you're in there," Mercedes said. "Please, just open up." Not likely, Rachel thought.

She heard Kurt's voice next. "We just want to help."

_No! They'll make you even more of a whale. You can't trust them._

Feeling fatter just at the thought, the girl headed into a stall. She could still hear her fellow divas through the bathroom door. Their voices made her feel like a pig. She knelt beside the toilet and stuck her fingers down her throat.

(Before, at the end of glee club)

"We need to try talking to her again," Kurt told Mercedes as soon as Mr. Schue dismissed them. "We can't let her do this to herself." The girl nodded.

"Hey, Rachel!" she called as they walked out of the chorus room arm in arm. The brunette sped up her pace. Mercedes and Kurt weren't going to give up that easily, though.

"Rachel, wait up!" Kurt yelled. Still no response. Rachel turned down another hallway. By the time they had gotten to that point, Rachel had disappeared.

Mercedes and Kurt exchanged dubious looks. "Where would she …" Mercedes trailed off, her eyes widening as she realized where Rachel was. Kurt was already ahead of her, trying to open the bathroom door. Mercedes caught up to him.

"Locked," he hissed angrily. Mercedes banged on the door. Kurt stopped her. "Don't scare her," he cautioned. 'Cedes nodded in understanding before speaking through the door.

"Rach, we know you're in there. Please, just open up." It took all she had to keep her voice from shaking.

There was no answer. "Let me try," Kurt muttered. Raising his voice, he said, "We just want to help." Silence.

The two heard a stall door slam closed. Kurt and Mercedes immediately banged on the barrier separating them from Rachel.

"C'mon Rachel," Mercedes pleaded. "This isn't healthy."

"Don't do this to yourself," Kurt added.

They both heard the sound of someone puking. They backed away from the door, shaken up. They weren't sure what they were supposed to do.

"Let's leave her be," 'Cedes finally broke the silence. "We can try again in a couple of days." Kurt eyed her incredulously.

"Why should we wait?" he cried. "She's killing herself!"

"We need a strategy. Let's give Rachel a few days on her own. Next time, we'll actually plan what to say to her though.

Kurt sighed. They both looked regretfully at the bathroom door before leaving.

…

_**Halfway through the story! Leave a review!**_

_**And feel free to follow me on Twitter, just remove the spaces: **_

_**h t t p s : / / t w i t t e r . c o m / # ! / M a k e L e f t T u r n s**_


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: It's not mine.**

SINKING

_**Chapter 4**_

Mercedes waited outside the bathroom door. She'd seen Rachel go in, and was determined to make her listen to reason. The bell rang. Mercedes would take a detention if it meant she could talk to Rachel.

Kurt had told her to wait until after school, where the two of them would approach Rachel together. He'd explained that he didn't want to overcrowd her. Mercedes also felt this way, but this opportunity was too great to miss. She just hoped that Kurt would understand.

A few minutes later, Rachel exited the bathroom. She jumped in surprise when she spotted Mercedes. Her surprise turned to fear just as quickly as she tried to get to class. Mercedes put a hand on Rachel's shoulder, cringing at how skinny she was. Rachel made to leave, but Mercedes' grip didn't release.

"Rachel, please," Mercedes pleaded. Rachel avoided her eyes, preferring to stare at the ground. Mercedes took a breath. Obviously, begging Rachel to stop wasn't going to work. She'd have to take a chance with being more commanding.

"Rachel, we need to talk," she said firmly. She led the other girl to the library, half surprised that Rachel wasn't fighting her. Did she know, deep down, that there was something wrong with her? Mercedes doubted it, but still hoped.

They sat on the far side of the library, away from any prying eyes. Rachel sat with her bony hands on the table, staring at them quietly. Mercedes opened and closed her mouth a few times, unsure of how to begin.

"Why?" she blurted. Startled, Rachel's head shot up. Gaining more confidence, Mercedes continued, "Why do you do it?" Rachel hesitated before deciding to answer.

"I'm fat," she replied. Mercedes went to object, but Rachel continued, "I need to be pretty. Broadway stars can't be ugly like me."

"I know what you're going through," Mercedes said gently, keeping eye contact. "This isn't okay. I thought I was fat, but I'm –"

Rachel cut her off, "Beautiful. I know." She locked eyes with Mercedes. "But you never actually wanted to be skinnier. You did it for others. I do it for myself."

"Quinn told me that if I'm willing to eat for others, then why can't I eat for myself?" She paused. "You're eating for the Cheerios, for Santana and Quinn. You need to eat for yourself." Rachel remained silent.

"We are beautiful in every single way/Words can't bring us down."

Rachel glared at Mercedes. Whatever doubts that had been tugging at her mind were pushed aside. Mercedes was at a loss of what to do. Her singing seemed to make Rachel angry.

"I'm not beautiful," Rachel hissed, standing up. She gathered her books hastily. "And unlike everyone else, I'm _not_ strong enough to ignore what everyone says."

As Rachel passed, she murmured, "Besides, if everyone says I'm ugly, it must be true." Mercedes wanted to follow, but she had already messed up.

She grabbed her things, heading towards class. If she was lucky, she'd only get a skip on her record, not a detention.

(End of day)

Rachel took her bag out of her locker, glad the day was finally over. After Mercedes' talk, she'd felt even worse about herself. If the girl knew what was good for her, she'd back off. The lecture had made Rachel angry. Why couldn't everyone just stay out of her business?

She turned to leave, only to be stopped by Kurt. Rachel narrowed her eyes, still mad from earlier.

"What? Come to meddle in my life again?" Rachel spat. Kurt was surprised, but ignored the jibe.

"You need help, Rachel," he told her. The girl scoffed. "You could _die_ if this goes on for too long."

_Good. The world would be a better place,_ the voice taunted.

"Why do you even care?" Rachel demanded. "You've criticized me, humiliated me, and taunted me. What else do you want?"

"I want you to be healthy and happy," the countertenor replied.

"I'm fine. And I _am_ happy."

No, you're not. If you were happy, you wouldn't be doing this."

"Leave me alone, Kurt," Rachel said, walking past him. "You don't understand." Kurt took her arm and spun her to face him. He was clearly getting frustrated.

"I understand that you feel like you're fat, but you need to know it's not true. You're a beautiful young woman, and you need to be proud of who you are."

Rachel pulled away from him. She glared at him. Why couldn't he drop it?

"Stay out of my life," she hissed before leaving the countertenor on his own.

(With Kurt)

Kurt watched Rachel walk away from him. He felt his eyes burn with unshed tears.

_What have we done to you?_


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I have a poll up on my profile! Check it out!**

**Disclaimer: Same as usual.**

SINKING

_**Chapter 5**_

It had been three weeks since Mercedes had talked to Rachel. The latter had evaded her and Kurt everyday. At glee practice, she always managed to be the first one out. Eventually, Kurt convinced Mercedes that they should give Rachel some time. Mercedes didn't like it. Every day they didn't do something was another day that the lead singer was slowly killing herself.

However, today Mercedes wasn't standing by any longer. As soon as she saw Rachel enter the building, she walked up and dragged her into an empty classroom. Rachel struggled, but any strength that she'd had was gone. Mercedes locked the door and turned to face the other girl.

"Alright, I'm done being nice," she said. "I've tried asking you to stop. I've tried helping you. Well, now I'm making you get better." Rachel turned away and stomped her foot.

"You can't make me do anything," she hissed. Mercedes reached into her bag and pulled out a small plastic cup of applesauce. It wasn't much, but anything Rachel ate would satisfy her. She grabbed a spoon and stormed over to Rachel. She turned the girl to face her.

She glared at Rachel, who eyed the applesauce with fear. Mercedes hated being the bad guy, but there wasn't anything else to be done. "Now, are you going to eat it willingly? Or am I going to have to force-feed you?" Rachel kept her lips together firmly.

Mercedes sighed. She opened the cup, dipped the spoon in, and raised it to Rachel's mouth. Rachel turned her head away, eyes shining. She took a step backward. Mercedes followed. Rachel hit a desk, leaving her nowhere to go.

"Please, Rachel, I'm begging you," Mercedes pleaded. She brought the spoon forward suddenly, surprising Rachel. The latter opened her mouth to protest, only for some applesauce to enter against her will. To avoid choking, she had to swallow.

Mercedes brought another spoonful up. Rachel knocked her arm away. The spoon went flying to the ground. Improvising, Mercedes brought the entire cup up to Rachel. The latter screamed, tears flooding down her face. She shook her head, panicking.

"No, no!" she screamed. "Please, don't! Don't make me any fatter!" Mercedes' heart broke at this, but knew Rachel needed to eat.

Rachel pushed Mercedes away, who hadn't expected it. Rachel stumbled away, unlocked the door, and ran towards the nearest bathroom. She didn't notice that she passed Kurt. And she was so panicked that she forgot to lock the bathroom door behind her.

Kurt entered the room after Rachel. To ensure their privacy, he locked the door behind them. The only other person in the room was Rachel, who he could hear throwing up in one of the stalls.

The countertenor found the unlocked stall Rachel was in, took a shaky breath, and entered the stall. He held back a sob at the girl kneeling on the dirty floor, clinging onto the toilet like her life depended on it. She was crying hysterically into the bowl, spitting out stomach acid.

Ignoring the knowledge that he would ruin his outfit, Kurt lowered himself next to Rachel. He hesitated before rubbing her back, letting her know that he was there. Rachel spun around, nearly hitting her head on the wall in doing so.

"Wha-what are you doing here?" she stammered, her throat hoarse. Kurt reached over, trying to hug her, but Rachel jerked away. This time, she did hit her head on the wall. She scrambled to her feet and left the stall. Kurt followed her.

"Rachel, you can't keep doing this!" he said as Rachel washed out her mouth at the sink. The girl glared at him and tried to walk around him. Kurt blocked her way out. "Can't you see what you're doing? There's something wrong with you!"

Rachel grit her teeth. "Yeah, it's called being fat," she retorted. Kurt's eyes widened.

"That's not what I meant!" he rushed. "You're thinking things that aren't true. It's not safe!"

"Leave me alone," Rachel hissed. She pushed Kurt aside, who couldn't think of any way to convince her to listen.

As Rachel left the bathroom, Mercedes entered. She took one look at Kurt, saw his expression, and groaned.

"This isn't working, Kurt!" she told him. "We need to get a teacher involved. This is way over our heads." Inwardly, Kurt agreed.

"We'll try one more thing," he said, coming up with one last idea. "If that doesn't work, then we'll tell Mr. Schuester." Mercedes nodded reluctantly.

"Fine. One last try, then we're telling someone."


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: Do I really have to say it?**

SINKING

_**Chapter 6**_

Kurt fiddled with the sheets of paper in his hands nervously. Beside him, Mercedes shifted from foot to foot. After the incident the day before, the two had one last idea to make Rachel listen to reason. Kurt took a shaky breath. He hated being viewed as the bad guy, but he couldn't allow his fellow star to harm herself.

Finally, the familiar head appeared in the thinning crowd. The girl took one look at the two before turning on her heel and fast-walking away. Mercedes, however, was faster, and managed to grab the other girl by the arm. She dragged Rachel into an empty classroom, getting bad flashbacks of the previous day in the process. Kurt followed them in and closed the door.

"Let me go! This is harassment and abuse!" Rachel yelled, trying to pull her arm out of Mercedes' grip. Mercedes, feeling guilty, let her go. Rachel went to exit the room, but Kurt held out a hand.

"Wait, Rachel," he sighed. He handed the papers over to Rachel, who didn't bother to look at them. "Mercedes and I did a little research. You need to stop this!"

Rachel huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm perfectly fine. Now, if you'll excuse me –" She made to leave, but Kurt, once again, stopped her.

"What you're doing, it's not okay," he told her calmly. It took all of his willpower not to break down. Why couldn't Rachel understand what she was doing?

"What are you talking about? I'm getting better!" Rachel protested. "Everyone says I'm fat, so I'm just getting better. I don't want to be obese!"

Mercedes placed a hand on the girl's shoulder. "You're not obese, or fat, or whatever you want to call it. And what everyone else says? Lies. You're sick, Rachel, both mentally and physically. We need to get you help." Rachel ripped away from Mercedes angrily.

"No, I'm not!" she shouted. "Why can't you understand?" Kurt and Mercedes could both tell that Rachel wasn't going to stick around for much longer. Kurt took the initiative, taking a step forward and beginning to explain to Rachel what was wrong.

"You're anorexic and bulimic," he said clearly. The words felt foreign and wrong on his tongue. Now that he had said it aloud, it made the situation so much more real.

Rachel, on the other hand, backed away frantically. Her hands clutched the papers tightly, refusing to believe the countertenor.

"N-no, I'm not!" she denied. "I know what I'm doing!"

Mercedes shook her head. "No, you really don't." She took a breath. "Did you know that 5.6% of anorexic people die each decade?" Rachel glared at her.

"No, but I don't really care, because I'm not anorexic!" she screamed.

"Mortality rate of people with anorexia is twelve times higher," Kurt added, watching the brunette carefully. He now stood right in front of her. Rachel threw the papers to the floor and tried to get around him. He stood in her way.

"50% of anorexic people are depressed," Mercedes continued. Tears flooded Rachel's eyes.

"Shut up!" she demanded. She hit Kurt's chest a few times before he caught her wrists. He forced her to step closer to him.

"One in five anorexic people will suffer from things like suicide and heart problems – Rach, please, would you listen!" he pleaded. Rachel struggled against him. "We don't want to lose you!"

"Rachel, please, just listen to us," Mercedes begged. Kurt released Rachel's wrists, and the girl stepped back, panting heavily.

"Why should I listen to you?" she shrieked. "There's nothing wrong with me!"

"What about Barbra Streisand?" Kurt asked, quickly losing hope. "She didn't change for anybody!"

Rachel burst into tears. "Barbra Streisand was never a fat whale!" she cried. She ducked around Kurt before he could react and ran out of the room.

Mercedes looked over at Kurt. "We tried, boo," she said softly. "We have to tell Mr. Schuester." Kurt nodded.

"I'll talk to him before glee," he replied. "We don't want to risk someone else overhearing and spreading it around."

Mercedes agreed. Kurt picked up the papers strewn across the floor.

_We really don't want to lose you._

ENDCHAPTER

**Okay, you guys. So, when I first got my fanfiction account, I had a list of fanfictions for me to post. Well, by Christmas, that list will be down to things that I am still working on and actually have no idea where they are going. So these quick updates will suddenly become few-and-far-between updates.**

**Just a warning …**

**ANYWAY**

**One more chapter after this one! Hope you like it!**

**Do you guys want me to write a sequel of Rachel's recovery? If you do, I'll need ideas. I have no idea what I'd write, seeing as I've never experienced anything like this. Please review and let me know!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Last chapter everyone! Hope you enjoy!**

**PLEASE SEE END-NOTE!**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own anything.**

SINKING

_**Chapter 7**_

Rachel stumbled through the halls, on her way to her next class. For some reason she felt lightheaded and dizzy.

_All that extra fat is going to your head! _the voice taunted. Rachel wasn't so sure. _Don't tell me you believe a couple of kids who want to make you a whale again! Oh, wait, too late!_ Rachel felt tears burn behind her eyes, but held them in.

She was doing better than before. She didn't even eat a protein bar that morning. And she had gone on her exercise bike for an extra hour. She wanted to lose her fat, yet every time she tried, the voice kept telling her she still wasn't there. She was still fat.

_But Kurt and Mercedes …_ Rachel trailed off. She wanted to believe them, but she knew they were only trying to make her feel better. The voice was right. She was fat. Nothing those two said would change her mind.

It happened quickly. One moment, Rachel was walking down the hallway, the next, she was passed out on the floor.

It was only a few minutes before she regained consciousness. She saw the familiar eyes of Mercedes staring down at her with concern. Rachel sat up as fast as she dared to.

"Rachel, this is exactly what I'm talking about," Mercedes told her, helping the girl to her feet. She lowered her voice, making sure no one around them would hear. "This isn't right. You need help. You passing out? That's your body telling you that you need to eat."

Rachel shook her head, pausing in the act when dizziness washed over her again. "I'm fine."

"What did you have to eat today?"

Rachel pushed past Mercedes. She was going to be late to class, and now she had a headache. She didn't need to hear the lies.

TIMESKIPTIMESKIP

Rachel sat on the floor of a bathroom stall. She hugged her knees close to her chest. She cried silently, staring into space.

All day, the words that Kurt and Mercedes had continued to tell her kept haunting her. The voice told her they were lies, but Rachel wasn't so sure anymore. She was so confused. And her throat hurt from vomiting once again. She didn't know why she threw up that time. She hadn't eaten at all that day. It was more of a habit … Rachel was scared.

The bathroom door opened. Rachel heard steps too heavy to be a girl's. She ignored the footsteps. She sniffed when her nose began to run. She only looked up when the stall door opened. Why did she continue to forget to lock the stall?

Kurt Hummel stood there before her, taking in her horrible appearance. Rachel opened and closed her mouth a few times before burying her face in her knees. She felt the boy's presence beside her. She sobbed loudly to herself. She was surprised when Kurt wrapped her up in a hug.

_You're such a baby!_ the voice spoke. _A fat, blubbering baby._

"What are you thinking?" Kurt startled her. Rachel looked up at him, eyes red.

"I-I don't know anymore," she hiccupped. "I feel fat, but you and Mercedes –" She cut herself off, unable to continue. A headache hammered her head. She didn't know what the truth was anymore. Kurt rubbed her back.

"Rachel, you know, somewhere inside, that there's something wrong," he murmured persuasively. Rachel lowered her eyes. Kurt sighed and rose to his feet. He pulled Rachel up as well.

"Come on."

He led her out of the stall and to the bathroom mirrors. He held her hand as he made her face her reflection.

"Now, what do you see?" he asked. Rachel bit her lip. She shrugged.

"A fat, blubbering whale," she laughed dryly. Kurt squeezed her hand gently.

"Look again," he said softly. Rachel did so, this time the words of her friends echoing in her mind. This time, when she looked in the mirror, she saw her sunken cheeks, her knobby elbows, her loose clothes that seemed to swallow her up. She gasped at the realization.

"It's okay, it's okay," Kurt chanted, bringing her closer to him. Rachel stained his shirt with tears.

"Help me, Kurt. Please. I don't want … I don't want to feel this way anymore."

Kurt pecked her forehead, turning her chin up so she would look at him.

"You're going to be okay," he told her. "We're going to get you help." Rachel shut her eyes tightly, scared of what was to come. "Mercedes and I will be with you every step of the way."

Rachel nodded. A part of her still felt fat, but the majority of her knew that she was sick.

And once she admitted that to herself, the weight on her shoulders and chest lifted. For once, the voice had been silenced.

ENDCHAPTER

**Okay, guys. I know a lot of you have favorited this story or put it on story alert, but I'd really appreciate it if you reviewed this chapter. No one answered my question from the last chapter, so I don't think I'll write it, but just in case:**

**Do you guys want me to write a sequel, this one focusing on Rachel's recovery?**

**If no one reviews or messages me, I'm not going to write it.**

**So if you want a sequel, REVIEW!**


	9. Author's Note

**AUTHOR'S NOTE**

So, I really hate to put author's notes as chapters, but I feel like I need to for this. I'm sorry to say that it's not likely that I will be writing a sequel.

One: It's been a long time since I've written this, so my inspiration has left. I've tried writing the sequel, but it doesn't do this story justice.

Two: I'm not a huge fan of glee anymore. I don't really like the direction they've taken it, plus the last full season I watched was season 3. I probably won't write anything else for this series.

Three: I'm in college now, which means that I have other priorities.

Four: I write for myself. I promise sequels, but of course, as soon as I say that, I get writer's block and then I lose all inspiration altogether.

Five: I feel like I'm being pressured to write a sequel that I just can't get around to, nor do I want to do anymore. I want to be able to do the characters and the situation justice, if I ever did write it, but the likelihood of that is slim to none.

I respectfully ask that no one else reviews asking for a sequel. I am open to constructive criticism, praise, whatever, but please don't ask for a sequel. This story keeps coming back to haunt me as a reminder that I never followed through with that sequel, so I might have to take it down if anyone else asks (read: demands) for a sequel. However, I am willing to let someone else (or multiple someones) to write a sequel. Just PM me or review to let me know, and then just give me credit when you post it.

Thank you, and sorry for the disappointment.

-JustMakeLeftTurns


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